Loving You So Much
by Yaten Kuo
Summary: Though loving Sano secretly, Kenshin is unable to reveal his feelings to the ex-gangster with Kaoru at his side. Feeling as time is running out, Kenshin is desperate at the feeling he feels towards his friend. A story of love and hatred, everyone will lov
1. Default Chapter

Disclaimers: I definitely do not own Rurouni Kenshin. If I did, do you think that Kenshin and Sanosuke would just be friends?  
  
Rating: PG13  
  
Pairing: Sano X Kenshin  
  
Title: Loving You So Much: Chapter 1  
  
Author: Ikari Yuuki ------------------------------  
  
It's nighttime as Kenshin walks through the field. All is silent except for the rustling of the leaves in the tree and the grasses as they graze against each other. Stopping, Kenshin gazes at the scene before him as the breeze gently combs through his hair and the moonlight bathes his body in silvery light.  
  
Suddenly from behind, Kenshin hears a soft rustling and padding of footsteps, then stopping behind him. Narrowing his eyes he turns around abruptly; his eyes widens as he recognizes the figure.  
  
"Sano." he breathes gently.  
  
Standing before Kenshin is the tall ex-gangster, Sagara Sanosuke, Kenshin's best friend. Kenshin admits, he does care deeply for the tall auburn hair young boy and that he does value the friendship he has with this ruffian. Since the beginning of their meeting at the restaurant, there has always been some type of mutual understanding between the two, almost like their souls were connected.  
  
"Sano, what are you doing." begins Kenshin as he slowly trails off as he notices the gaze the other holds.  
  
Softness and caring.  
  
Gazing deeply into the dark eyes, Kenshin softens his features as something overcomes his body. Steadily, lifting his head, eyes hooded, Kenshin whispers softly his friend's name.  
  
"Sano."  
  
In slow motion, Sano bends down to his friend's level, eyes hooded as lips gradually got closer and closer. So close that Kenshin can feel Sano gently breathing against his lips.  
  
'Sanosuke.'  
  
  
  
Doki.doki.doki.  
  
"KENSHIN!!"  
  
-------------------------------  
  
"Aa..!" gasps Kenshin softly as he snaps his eyes open. Breathing heavily, he glances around his surrounding: Kamiya Dojo. Realization dawns upon him.  
  
"Yume." whispers Kenshin, slightly disappointed.  
  
"Kenshin! Doko ni arimasu ka?" calls a voice.  
  
Snapping out from his slight trance, he averts his eyes towards the door just in time to see Kaoru opening the door to the dojo, finding Kenshin sitting on the floor, sakabato in his arms and back against the wall.  
  
"Konnichi wa, Kaoru-dono!" chirps Kenshin brightly. "Do you need me for something?"  
  
"Kenshin, what are you doing here? I've been searching for you for a while but you did not respond. Is something wrong, Kenshin?" asks Kaoru worriedly as she gazes down at the rurouni before her.  
  
Smiling brightly, Kenshin shakes his head as he stands before her.  
  
"Iya, Kaoru-dono. I fell asleep so that's why I couldn't hear you calling. Gomen, gomen!" replies Kenshin as he rubs the back of his head sheepishly.  
  
Kaoru narrow her eyes, not believing a word he says. Taking a step forward, she starts, "Kenshin."  
  
"Dame, Kaoru-dono," Kenshin cuts in quietly. Kaoru snap her surprised eyes up towards Kenshin's face, finding it cover by the shadows of his hair. "Kaoru-dono ., don't worry about me. I'll be fine de gozaru."  
  
"Kenshin." pleads Kaoru softly.  
  
"Honto nii," smiles Kenshin brightly with confidence as he reveals his cheery face. "It must be time for lunch now," continues Kenshin before she can say anything. He walks up towards her. "The others must be hungry, Kaoru-dono. Let's go prepare lunch, na?"  
  
Kaoru gazes deeply into Kenshin's violet eyes, searching for anything that he might hide from her. Nothing but happiness.  
  
'I must be getting paranoid, especially when Kenshin had almost left me.'  
  
Kaoru smiles and nods and turns around to head out the door with Kenshin following not so far behind. As Kaoru begins talking happily before him, Kenshin's attention averts back to his dream. His brows furrowed as the feeling of disappointment renters his mind.  
  
"Sano." he quietly whispers as his feature softens into one of sadness.  
  
------------------------  
  
"Saa!! That was delicious!" exclaim Sano as he stretched lazily upon the veranda.  
  
"What are you talking about? Of course it was delicious! Kenshin made it!" replies Yahiko.  
  
Kaoru, who obviously has heard the comment, growls dangerously at the small youngling. "What did you say?!"  
  
Yahiko crosses his arms across his chest and with a huff he replies, "I'm telling the truth. You can't cook even if your life depends on it!"  
  
As Kaoru raises an opposing fist in the direction of Yahiko, Kenshin takes this as a cue to leave. Sensing the movement besides her, Kaoru completely forgot about the situation to turn her attention to the rurouni that has stood up, heading towards the door.  
  
"Kenshin." calls Kaoru after him.  
  
Slightly turning his head as the shadows cover his eyes, Kenshin replies softly, "I'm going to finish the laundry. Yahiko."  
  
"Hai?" replied the boy instantaneously.  
  
Kenshin turns so his smile shows. "Don't forget to wash the dishes," he replies as he walks out the door, passing by Sano on the veranda.  
  
Ignoring the commotion that has started inside, Sano watches Kenshin closely as he walks off.  
  
'Kenshin.'  
  
Tenderly biting at his bottom lip, Sano suddenly spring up to his feet and takes off after Kenshin, leaving the other two to their dispute. 


	2. Maybe This Is All I Need

Title: Loving You So Much: Chapter 2  
  
Author: Ikari Yuuki  
  
Rate: PG13  
  
Disclaimers: Previous chapter, chapter1  
  
Pairing: Sano X Kenshin  
  
-------------------------------------------  
  
'Why him of all people? Why not Kaoru-dono? Ever since we met, she has given me her home and kindness . . . . And she loves me . . . . . . The least I can do for her is to return her feelings, to tell her 'I love you' too? But why.'  
  
Kenshin sighs as he continues his washing.  
  
'. . . . why am I unable to reciprocate those feelings. . . ?'  
  
"Nanze . . . . . ?"  
  
"Why what?" asks a voice from behind.  
  
Kenshin quickly spins around, surprised, to find no other than Sagara Sanosuke standing there, looking at him with worried eyes. Has he been standing there watching the rurouni this entire time, without Kenshin noticing? How long has he been there? Feeling slightly uncomfortable and embarrassed under the ex-gangster's eyes, Kenshin turns his back towards Sano and re-starts the laundry.  
  
"Sano, do you need something?" he asks as normal as possible, controlling his tone as it threatens to waver slightly.  
  
No reply. Frowning slightly and a bit worried, Kenshin asks, "San . . . . . ?"  
  
A larger hand covers his own; eyes wide, Kenshin turns his head to his right, meeting warm brown eyes with his huge violet ones.  
  
"Sa . . . . . Sano?" asks Kenshin incredulously.  
  
"Kenshin," replies Sano softly as he gazes kindly into the older man's eyes. "You've been washing this same clothing for the past 15 minutes."  
  
Kenshin blinks widely and then glances down into the clothing he holds in his hand. He blushes slightly; it is the same one. Kenshin hasn't realized it until the tall boy has told him, for he himself have been too busy pondering upon his thoughts that he has totally forgotten about the clothing in his hand, just scrubbing it, squeezing it over and over again.  
  
"Sou ka . . . . " replies Kenshin embarrassed as he smiles sheepishly. Standing up, he shakes out the clothing to hang it upon the wooden hangers before him. As he does this, Kenshin continues, "Ne, Sano . . . . is there something that I can do for you?"  
  
"Not really," answers Sano hesitantly. Nibbling his bottom lip again, he continues quietly but loud enough for the warrior to hear, "I just thought you need someone to talk to, that's all."  
  
Kenshin pauses in his ministering. Slightly, turning his head to the side, he questions, "Oh? Why would you think that?"  
  
"Well . . . . . I . . . . . " begins the younger boy. Scratching his head slightly as well as biting his lips, Sano wonders about what he should say.  
  
'If I say I have been noticing his awkward moods, that will be quite . . . . . weird . . . . but . . . . "  
  
"I've been noticing you lately . . . . . . how you always seem to walk out and never seem to be around only during supper times," continues Sano in one rush. Swiftly he glances away from where Kenshin couldn't see his blushing face.  
  
"Noticing me . . . . . . ?" repeats Kenshin softly as his eyes expand slightly at the ex-gangster's confession. Rotating around completely to face Sano, he detects the tint of red upon the tall boy's cheek. Smiling tenderly, Kenshin only replies in his delicate placid tone, "Arigato de gozaru."  
  
Sano blushes deeper and suddenly the ground becomes of interest to him. "It's nothing, Kenshin. That's what friends are for."  
  
"Friends . . . . . ?" repeats Kenshin quietly, a slight disappointment in his voice. "Sou da. . . . . We are only friends . . . . . . are we?" he continues, sadness lacing through his tone as he averts his eyes slightly to the small patch of earth besides him.  
  
Detecting the slight change in his friend's tone, Sano lifts his eyes back at the small warrior before.  
  
'Kenshin . . . . . seems distress . . . . . '  
  
Of all the time Sano has known the ex-Battousai, he has known him to be a cheerful man, smiling constantly, mostly for Kaoru's sake. Or either he would be fuming, angry eyes narrowing perilously at the opponent before him as they flicker slightly between gold and violet. But never has Sano seen this expression from the rurouni, an expression that seems completely foreign upon Kenshin's face, dampening his bright violet eyes, making Kenshin a completely different person, a side that he would never reveal to others nor Kaoru.  
  
And yet, here he is, standing before Sano, exposing himself, his most vulnerable side. In a way, Sano feels honored to be able to experience what is before him but as well, he feels slightly angered as well. Somehow, seeing the other man depressed constricts Sano's chest, giving him an urge to want to hurt whoever has placed that appearance upon the rurouni's face.  
  
Tentatively taking a step forward, Sano raises his hand slightly as wanting to comfort him but slowly backs down as he thought better. Instead, he choices to say the samurai's name.  
  
"Kenshin . . . . . . what's wrong?" he asks gently, his voice illustrating his concern over the crimson haired samurai.  
  
With a small smile, Kenshin only shakes his head as he returns his gaze upon the boy before him.  
  
"It's nothing serious, Sano," he replies, hoping his voice sounds confident enough. "I can handle it de gozaru . . . . . . "  
  
Sano, though not buying into the confidence in Kenshin's voice, just nods his slightly, shifting his eyes to the earth before him. Sano knows that Kenshin is placing his mask back on; he is not ready yet.not ready to expose himself to Sano. Although the tall ex-gangster feels like Kenshin distrusts him, Sano should at least feel flattered, for Kenshin never discloses his true feelings before to anyone . . . . . not even Kaoru.  
  
"Sou ka . . . . . Na . . . . . " starts Sano as he scratches the back of his head. Then glancing at the pile of dirty clothing, Sano, changing the subject, offers, "Na, Kenshin, do you need help?"  
  
"Nani?" asks Kenshin, eyes widening.  
  
"With washing the clothes," indicates Sano with a nod of his head toward the huge pile of clothing, unwashed by the bucket. Averting his eyes back at the man before him, Sano continues, "Jou-chan won't be happy if you have only done one piece of clothing and you wouldn't want her mad, wouldn't you?"  
  
Slowly, Kenshin's lips forms into a slight but real smile as he looks upon the tall boy with appreciation. "Of course. I wouldn't want that."  
  
Sano blushes slightly under Kenshin's gaze; the small rurouni has no idea the slight reactions he gets from the ex-gangster. Being around the ex- Battousai, Sano feels safe . . . . . comfortable . . . . . like he belongs, a feeling that he has not experienced for a long period of time.  
  
Shaking himself mentally from that thought, Sano turns back to Kenshin and smiles widely.  
  
"Let's get to work then!" he chirps happily as he bends down to pick a piece of clothing from the pile and begins to scrub it awkwardly with fierce concentration upon his young handsome face.  
  
All this time, Kenshin stands there, gazing at the boy before him, eyes soft with warmth. Taking a small sigh, Kenshin smiles and walks over to Sano to help him with the task.  
  
'Maybe . . . . . this is all I need . . . . ' thoughts Kenshin as he laughs merrily at Sano, who has somehow gotten water all over himself.  
  
'Maybe . . . . . . this is all I get . . . . . . for loving him so much . . . . . . . '  
  
--------------  
  
Author's Note: Hi, you guys! Like it so far? I thinks it's ok.could do better though. Anyway, I've been quite busy so today is the only day I could update. I had this story written out before but hadn't had the chance to post it but now I do! Hope you guys enjoyed it. Give any ideas or comments if you have any. My goal is to have 10 to 15 reviews before I post the next chapter so keep does reviews coming! Thanx u! 


	3. Bits And Pieces: Unknown

Title: Loving You So Much Author: Ikari Yuuki Rate: PG-13 (for now. . . ) Disclaimers: Check previous chapters for disclaimer notes.  
  
Author Notes: This is just a few short "clips" from the next chapter, Chapter 3: Loving You So Much. I apologize for my late updating but for the few past weeks, I needed to study for finals and to me, school is more important then this story. Anyway, this update is to give you a synopisis of what is to come in Chapter 3. It might not make complete sense but you will get the jest of where I'm heading with this story.  
  
Again, I apologize and thank you for your patience!  
  
------------------------------------------- ------------------------------------------- Chapter 3 (Quotes/Scenes) ~ ------------------------------------------- -------------------------------------------  
  
"Excuse me, but I need to speak with Battousai. It is very important."  
  
Kaoru stares at the tall policeman before her. . . Saitou Hajime. . .  
  
She frowns slightly, "He's out with Sanosuke at the moment. . . What do you need him for?"  
  
Saitou smiles, "Then I'll wait for him till he comes. Do you mind?"  
  
Before Kaoru can reply, Saitou steps into the dojo and with polite smile that seems wrong upon his face.  
  
"Agriatou."  
  
Kaoru just turns around, biting her bottom lip worridly.  
  
'Kenshin, where are you?'  
  
~~~~~~~~~  
  
"Sou da. . . But I still don't see why Kenshin have to go," replies Sano.  
  
Sitting in the dojo, Sano, Kenshin, Yahiko and Kaoru sits before Saitou as he sips his tea thoughtfully, taking his time to answer the ex-gangster before him.  
  
"Isn't it obvious?" questions Saitou with his usual calmness. "The police force are weak as usual, and they need Battousai to do their work. He is the only one that can stop that pyscho-freak." Turning his attention to Kenshin by Sano's side, he prompts, "Well, Battousai? Are you going to Kyoto again to help fight for the government?"  
  
Kenshin, his head bowed and eyes towards the ground, sitting in his usual position, sword within his arms, says nothing of the matter. Kaoru looks at Kenshin with worry; it seems that no matter how many times he defeats evil, more is always on the way. She has hoped with the last fight with Shi-Shou would have been the last fight that he will ever need to fight and that finally, after all they have to go through, she and Kenshin will be finally left in peace, living together happily with no worries at all. And maybe. . . .  
  
"I'll go," answers Kenshin, his position not changing.  
  
Kaoru startles. "Ken. . . Kenshin. . ." Clenching her fists tightly, she exclaims, "Dame yo!!"  
  
Kenshin slowly lifts his head up to meet round blue crystal eyes. "Kaoru- dono. . . . . You know I have to go. I am the only one that can. . . ."  
  
"Why can't they find someone else then?!" cries Kaoru, tears streaming down her face. Reaching over she grabs Kenshin's hand. She continues, this time in a whispery desperate tone. "I don't want you to leave me again, Kenshin . . . . I just want. . . . to live with you in peace. Is that so much to ask?"  
  
Kenshin only stare at the girl before him, the girl that has offered her hospitality, her kindness, her love.  
  
'. . .Kaoru-dono. . .I can't. . .'  
  
Gently he releases her grip from his hand, turning his head away, he whispers quietly, "Gomen nasai, Kaoru-dono."  
  
Sano is the only one in the room who sees the saddness in Kenshin's eyes.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~  
  
"Are you sure about this? Leaving Jou-chan again? You know she'll follow you to the end," says Sano as he Kenshin stands outside.  
  
It is night time and everyone is already fast asleep. No lights but darkness and the shine of the moon above their heads, bathing them in pale moon-light.  
  
"Will you then?" asks Kenshin suddenly.  
  
Startled, Sano turns to Kenshin; he is still looking up at the sky, his skin looking like porcelain under the midnight light. Turning his head slightly, Kenshin gazes sadly into Sano's warm brown eyes.  
  
"Will you follow me to the end?" asks Kenshin softly again.  
  
Sano can only stare and drown in those deep violet eyes of the samurai, eyes that contains so much, and yet. . . . it can hide so much as their shields raises.  
  
Minutes pass, Sano hasn't given an answer; Kenshin stands.  
  
"It's late. I'm going to bed. Good night, Sano," he says, turning swiftly around to head back into the dojo. 'He didn't say anything. . . . . Maybe. . . I was expecting too much. It was silly of me to ask. . . but still. . .'  
  
"Don't I always?"  
  
Kenshin stops abruptly and turns around to face the back of the tall ex- gangster. "Always what?" prompts Kenshin, his heart pounding rapidly against his chest.  
  
"Don't I always follow you to the end? When you left last time for Kyoto to fight Shi-Shou, I followed you there," repeats Sano once more before turning his head slightly to meet Kenshin with his eyes. Smirking slightly, he continues, "What makes you think that this time it will be different?"  
  
Kenshin's eyes widens for a second before his eyes welts into a warm violet colour and his lips forms a true smile.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
"If something happens to me, promise me you will all continue on," pleads Kenshin quietly as he plays with the food within his bowl.  
  
Silence surrounds the table as the only noise is the noise from the other people in the resturant.  
  
"Ken-san, what are you talking about?" asks Megumi cautiously.  
  
"I'm leaving for Kyoto tomorrow," continues Kenshin stoiclly.  
  
"I don't understand. Last time you left, you came back safely; what makes this time so different?" asks Yahiko in confusion.  
  
Kenshin doesn't reply but continues to stare at the bowl before him. All his friends gaze at him worridly.  
  
"Kenshin. . . . ." starts Kaoru, reaching forward to touch the ex-Battousai on the arm.  
  
"Kaoru-dono," utters Kenshin suddenly. Kaoru's hand pauses at mid-air. Without turning towards her, Kenshin continues with a commend, a harsh commend. "Don't follow me this time."  
  
Kaoru's eyes widens at that statement. "Kenshin. . . . . . "  
  
"I know you will like last time but this time is different. I can feel it," continues Kenshin softly. Turning his violet eyes to the girl besides him. "You will only get in the way and make things difficult."  
  
No one speaks as they listen to Kenshin's "declaration." Ignoring their eyes, Kenshin stands up, getting ready to leave. Kaoru quickly stands up after him, planning to follow him.  
  
But before she can even stand up, Kenshin turns towards Sano.  
  
"Walk with me," he whispers.  
  
Yahiko and Megumi look at Kenshin awkwardly and then at Kaoru's shock shell face. The Kamiya girl wants to say something but all she can do is watch their backs as they leave her behind.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
"Please take care of yourself, Kenshin," whispers Kaoru.  
  
"Only if you will take care of yourself," replies Kenshin in return. Seeing the depress face, Kenshin smiles brightly, hoping to cheer her up. "Don't worry, Kaoru-dono. I'll come back. I promise."  
  
Kaoru returns the smile and nods. "I will."  
  
Sweeping his eyes before the group before him, Kenshin's eyes instinctively lingers longer on the ex-gangster before breaking away. Kenshin bows slightly before turning around once more, leaving his love ones behind.  
  
'Will you follow me to the end?'  
  
'Don't I always? What makes you think this time is different?'  
  
"Oi! Kenshin!" yells Sano as he suddenly runs to Kenshin.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Quotes:  
  
"I feel like that was the last time that I will ever see them again. . . . ."  
  
"You won't lose, Kenshin. I know you won't!"  
  
"How can you be so sure?"  
  
"Because. . . . . with love on your side. . . how can you lose?"  
  
"Love?"  
  
"Aa. . . . "  
  
". . .Then. . . . I'm glad you are by my side. . ."  
  
"Me too."  
  
----------------  
  
"You think you can win, Battousai?! You and your pathetic ways of life?!"  
  
"I won't lose. . . . Not when I have so much to live for. . . "  
  
---------------  
  
"Kenshin! Yokatta!"  
  
". . . . "  
  
"Kenshin?"  
  
". . . . .Kaoru-dono. . . I told you not to come. . ."  
  
"I know but. . . I was worried about you!"  
  
". . . You shouldn't have come. . . "  
  
"Kenshin! Wait! . . . I'm. . . . Kenshin. . . you changed."  
  
-----------------  
  
"Can't you tell that she loves you?! How can you be so senseless, Ken- san?!"  
  
"Urusai! You don't understand. How can I love her back when my heart won't tell me to?!"  
  
"Kenshin! How can you not love her? She has given you everything, even her heart!"  
  
"I know. . . but there's only one thing she doesn't have that someone else has. . . "  
  
". . .What?"  
  
". . . love. . . true love."  
  
------------------  
  
"I'll be waiting for you, Kenshin. Right here and ain't going anywhere! I promise you that."  
  
"I know, Sano."  
  
"Just. . . come back alive, all right?"  
  
"For you. . . . I will. . ."  
  
----------------  
  
~ END ~  
  
Author's Note: That might be confusing but I think you should get a certain idea as to where I am taking this story. Kenshin leaves, Sano follows, Kaoru follows, everyone follows. . . . . basically like the Kyoto Arc but not really. It's not the same enemy. Hope you enjoyed that small teaser! I hope to update soon but can't promise you on that. I'm a busy girl you know!  
  
Ikari Yuuki- 


End file.
